An Update on My Healing Journey & 5 Books that Changed My Life
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Hi, friends!
I realize it’s been a while since I shared a life update with you all, so I wanted to take the time to check in, talk about the steps I’ve taken in my healing journey, and share some helpful book recommendations with you.
Last June, I published a post called “Rebuilding My Life After Burnout” where I opened up about my battle with severe burnout and anxiety (you can read that post here!). At that point, I was going through a very difficult time in my life—I had quit my high-stress job with no backup plan, I was living in a new, expensive city with sky-high rent, and I was feeling lost, anxious, and purposeless.
Because of the pandemic, it was incredibly hard to make friends, participate in events, or even explore Portland. Crime rates in the area around my apartment building were climbing, which made me (a very nervous person already) even more afraid to leave my home. To make matters worse, some inconsiderate neighbors moved in next door and would make loud noises, slam doors, blast music, and smoke at all hours of the day and night. I’ve always been sensitive to sound and smell (something that gets MUCH worse with anxiety), so having to deal with loud, abrupt noises in a place that was supposed to feel safe made the apartment unbearable. I’m sure all my HSPs (Highly Sensitive People) out there can relate!
And then, in September, devastating wildfires consumed much of the Pacific Northwest. It was incredibly tragic—at least 14 people and countless animals died, families lost their homes and loved ones, and entire towns burned to the ground. Portland is a valley, and its location and geography created a perfect storm for hazardous wildfire smoke to collect in the area. For several days in a row, Portland had the worst air quality in the WORLD (to give you an idea, experts said breathing the air was the equivalent to smoking 20 packs of cigarettes A DAY).
The smoke in our apartment was so unbreathable that Alex and I brought our only (tiny) air filter into our bathroom, sealed the doors as best we could, and worked, ate, and slept in our bathroom for almost a week straight. I will never again take the gift of clean, safe air for granted—it sounds like such a simple thing, but it is truly a gift. We were placed on evacuation watch (although experts said it was unsafe to leave unless absolutely necessary due to the surrounding fires in the area), and we packed our bags to prepare for emergency evacuation.
As fortunate as we were to be safe from the wildfires, the week of toxic air pushed my anxiety wayyy over the edge. The financial and emotional stress of the year had taken a tremendous toll on Alex and me, and we weren’t feeling confident about our future in Portland anymore.
Some photos I took during the wildfires in Portland. The second image is a picture of the sun—there was so much smoke it the sky that it looked bright red. The last picture was taken from our apartment and shows the eerie red glow from the wildfires in the distance.
Step One: Know When to Give Up
After weighing all of our options, we made the difficult decision to break our lease and move to New Jersey to stay with my family until we got our feet on the ground (THANK YOU, Mom & Dad!). Our situation had become toxic for both of us, and we knew intuitively that it was time to give up and move on to something safer and healthier.
Alex and I looked at the cost of uHauls, shipping containers—you name it, and ultimately decided we couldn’t afford to move our stuff, especially with the hefty lease-break fee we had to pay. So, in only 10 days—we sold EVERYTHING in our apartment. I must have posted over 50 listings on Facebook marketplace and OfferUp! On September 29th (we gave our notice to vacate on September 19), we packed everything we could fit into my little Honda Civic, turned in our apartment keys, and hit the road.
Our society is infatuated with concepts like hustle-culture, sacrificing mental and physical health for financial success, and “never giving up”. But a big lesson I learned last year was that giving up is not inherently bad—in fact, knowing when to give up is an important skill to cultivate.
When I’m making a decision on whether or not to give up, I like to look at the potential benefits versus the effort or sacrifice I’m putting in to get there. When the benefits no longer meet or exceed the effort required, it may be time to give up so that we can refocus our energy and effort on something that will truly benefit us in the long run.
As cliche as it sounds, trust your gut. Your intuition will rarely steer you wrong!
step two: learn how to (actually) rest
By the time we got to New Jersey, I felt completely exhausted. It was hard to find the motivation to do anything, even the things I loved.
It was at this point that I was forced to learn how to truly rest for the first time since my childhood. Ironically, my emotional and mental burnout was the very thing that taught me how to take a real break—because with burnout, rest is the only way out. And I don’t mean “resting by taking time off work but still doing a million other things at home”—I mean the genuine rest of your mind, body, and spirit.
Learning to rest was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to learn, because it forced me to separate my worth from my productivity. For so long, being productive was a part of my identity—and it was difficult to go through the feelings of sadness, worthlessness, and an overall lack of identity as I spent my days walking outside, reading, and sleeping in late.
I also felt a TON of guilt about taking time off, especially knowing how many people in the world don’t have that option. But, I reminded myself that everyone’s situation is unique—no two people have the same difficulties and opportunities. If taking time off meant that I could return with the energy I needed to actually uplift others, then taking time off wasn’t selfish, it was actually very positive.
But what does “genuine rest” really mean?
It’s different for everybody! A really helpful activity is two make two lists: Energy-Taking Activities, and Energy-Giving Activities. Think about all of the activities you do in a week and consider what leaves you feeling replenished, and what leaves you feeling depleted. “Resting” means doing the things on your list that make you feel energized and avoiding the ones that make you feel drained.
Of course, in life, it’s impossible to ignore the many draining tasks we have to do—but asking for help from our partners, families, roommates, etc. is a great first step. Chances are (especially if you’re a woman), you are doing way more than your fair share of housework each day. Setting up systems to help divide housework fairly is a good place to start (this article gives some helpful tips!).
If you are financially able to do so, outsourcing energy-taking activities can be life-changing, especially since the activities that drain you might actually be energizing to someone else! For example, if you do all of your own invoicing and bookkeeping for your business and dread every minute of it, consider hiring a bookkeeper to do this work for you so that you can devote more energy to the areas where you thrive.
STEP THREE: understand the source of burnout process of mental health recovery
After taking a few weeks to practice genuine rest, I became motivated to understand more about what I was going through, and why I had reached such a low point in my life.
I started searching for articles and books on burnout, mental health, and creative recovery and received so many amazing recommendations. These five books in particular were SO helpful, I can’t recommend them enough:
The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
Alex introduced this book to me, and I can say with complete confidence that it has changed my life. The book takes a spiritual approach to creative recovery through helpful steps and daily journal prompts. Creative, mental, and spiritual recovery go hand-in-hand—and The Artist’s Way provides you with the practical tools you need to recover.
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk
This was truly life-changing to read. It was written by psychiatrist and trauma researcher Bessel Van Der Kolk, and it explains how trauma changes the brain and body on a physiological level. The book explains research-supported practices we can use to heal from trauma (like practicing yoga and mindfulness).
The Highly Sensitive Person by Dr. Elaine Aron
If you suspect that you might be a Highly Sensitive Person (take the test here!), I cannot recommend this book enough! As someone who has always felt extra sensitive to noises, smells, sensations, and energies compared to the people around me, this book put a name to my experience and provided the guidance I needed to thrive as an HSP.
Burnout by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski
This is one of the best books to read if you’re suffering from burnout. It explains the causes of burnout and how stress manifests in the body, and it provides research-based guidance on how to truly recover from burnout.
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
This book explains the fundamentals of Adlerian psychology through a conversation between a philosopher and a young man. Yes, it sounds boring but TRUST ME, it’s not! I wasn’t aware of Adlerian psychology before reading this book and it helped me understand the root of my anxiety and start to understand that it was safe to be my true self.
These books helped me validate my experiences, build confidence in my identity, and provide me with a roadmap for my healing journey. For so long, I’ve lived out of alignment with my identity and values. For example, as a highly sensitive person, I thrive in quiet environments around nature. Yet, there I was moving from city to city, thinking there was something wrong with me for being stressed by constant noise and commotion! (Major facepalm).
And as always, I highly, highly recommend going to therapy if you have the means to do so. A good therapist can help you work through any mental illness you’re experiencing and guide you in your recovery.
STEP FOUR: PRACTICING DAILY, MINDFUL MOVEMENT AND JOURNALING
Yoga, walking outside, and journaling gave me the push I needed to let go of my pain and begin moving forward.
Yoga in particular has changed my life. In the past, I’d tried a couple of yoga classes but didn’t enjoy it because it wasn’t “faced-paced enough for me”—looking back, I laugh, because slowing down was the thing I needed most in my life back then! I thought yoga was simply doing a few poses on a mat, and I had no idea about the powerful connection between the body, mind, and breath. But after reading about how and why yoga is so effective in helping people suffering from PTSD and anxiety in The Body Keeps the Score, I decided to give it another try.
I started practicing daily yoga online with Yoga With Adriene, and after only a few days, I literally couldn’t believe how much better I felt. This might sound hippie-dippy, but yoga made me aware of this sensation of heaviness and dread I was carrying in my chest at all times. After practicing for a few weeks, that heavy feeling was replaced by a sensation of wholeness and safety.
After that, it felt like so many things fell into place. I was feeling more energized, so I started craving more nourishing foods. Don’t get me wrong, I still eat pizza and fries whenever I feel like it, but I’m finally eating a more balanced diet with lots of fruits and veggies! It’s also given me the clarity I needed to move forward with faith instead of making all of my decisions based on fear and anxiety.
STEP FIVE: FINDING THE COURAGE TO START AGAIN
Changing directions is scary, especially if we reach a point in our lives when we realize the path we’ve followed for years is no longer serving us. We might think, “If I made the wrong decision then, who’s to say I wont make the wrong decision now?”
For me, I didn’t find the confidence to move forward until I changed my rigid perspective to one of flexibility. I realized that if I was always trying to make one “right” decision with what to do with my life, I would remain stuck. Instead, if I focused on making decisions that I believed were good for me, one at a time, they would lead me to a better place. And if something isn’t working for me, it’s okay for me to leave toxic situations and change what no longer serves me.
So, with that, I’ve decided to embark on a new career path: food photography!!
I’ve been interested in food photography and styling for a long time, and it feels great to invest in myself and move forward with something I love. I’m taking food photography classes and I can’t wait to share my work with you!
While I grow my career in food photography, I’ll be working in other jobs on the side to support my income. I’m also falling more in love with yoga each day, and I’m starting to research options to improve my practice and maybe even teach one day!
Thank you so much for sticking with me through all of these big transitions—it really means so much to me. And I hope that this update on my own healing journey has given you a few ideas to help with yours!
I’m looking forward to creating more resources for mental wellbeing to share with you. Stay tuned!
Love,
Haley